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Wondering if it’s OK to let your child sleep in your bed? Holistic sleep coach Cayla Solomon shares why bedsharing isn’t a failure—and how connection and rest can go hand-in-hand.
It was 12:48am when I heard the call: “Mommmmmmy…”
My 6-year-old had a bad dream, and just like that, I was pulled from sleep into a familiar parenting decision.
Do I make him stay in his bed and risk an hour of wakefulness for both of us? Or do I scoot over, make room in mine, and let us both get back to sleep?
As a holistic sleep coach, people assume I always follow a plan. That my kids sleep perfectly. That I never, ever bedshare.
But here’s the truth — sometimes we bedshare. And no, it doesn’t ruin our progress. No, it doesn’t make me a bad parent. And no, our child won’t “never sleep on their own again.”
Short answer: No.
There are plenty of valid reasons a child might end up in your bed:
Mainstream advice often treats bedsharing like failure. I see it as responding. Not reacting. Not spoiling. Responding with presence, calm, and security.
In fact, research supports this more compassionate approach. A 2016 study published in Frontiers in Psychology emphasized that bedsharing can foster secure attachment and promote emotional regulation when done safely and intentionally.
Dr. James McKenna, director of the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame, has also written extensively on the benefits of safe co-sleeping practices, especially for breastfeeding dyads and nighttime bonding.
One-off nights of bedsharing don’t cause sleep problems. They build trust.
When children know they can reach out and be met with warmth, it actually lays the foundation for better sleep long-term. They feel safer. They settle faster. They stop fighting bedtime.
Research published in the journal Sleep Health (Vol. 3, Issue 1) also found that when families bedshare intentionally and safely, it can be associated with lower bedtime resistance and improved nighttime regulation. Children who feel emotionally supported at bedtime tend to fall asleep more easily and experience fewer night wakings.
Research published by Mindell & Lee (2015) in Infant Behavior and Development also found that consistent, emotionally supportive parenting around sleep is associated with healthier mood and developmental outcomes in infants.
When sleep feels safe, it becomes easier. It becomes something your child wants to do — not something they’re forced into.
And when done intentionally, bedsharing doesn’t delay independent sleep. It supports the emotional scaffolding that children need to develop it at their own pace.
That’s real. And valid.
There’s a difference between bedsharing as a short-term strategy and bedsharing as a long-term lifestyle. You’re allowed to need your own rest. Your own space. Your own rhythm.
If your current sleep setup isn’t sustainable, you don’t have to white-knuckle your way through it. And you definitely don’t have to resort to sleep training if it doesn’t align with your values.
This is where 1:1 support can make all the difference. Inside my private coaching sessions, we look at your unique sleep story — what’s working, what’s not, and how to create calm, sustainable changes that protect your connection and your rest.
And if you as the parent are struggling with your own sleep — whether it’s falling asleep, staying asleep, or just feeling like you never wake rested — The Recharge Protocol is designed for that. We address the root causes of adult sleep disruption in a way that’s practical, science-backed, and completely free of shame.
Yes. If it works for you. If it helps everyone sleep. If it brings calm instead of conflict.
You’re not creating bad habits. You’re creating a safe landing place. And that matters more than any “rule.”
Most of the sleep advice we hear is built around structure, independence, and schedules — but what’s often missing is the human part. The part where your child wakes up crying, or sick, or just needing you. The part where you’re doing your best at 2am.
What your child needs most isn’t a perfect plan. It’s a present caregiver.
And what you need most is permission to do what works, without guilt.
One night — or even a season — of bedsharing doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. It means you’re responsive. It means you’re doing your best.
And if you’re ready to shift things gently, I’m here to help.
Want a plan that honours your instincts and gets you more rest? Book a free consult here.
Let’s build something that actually works for your family.
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