Supporting big feelings

I’ll be the one to say what we are all thinking – 𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤. Sometimes our kids tantrum for things that are totally within reason, and other times, they seem totally illogical to us. And, more often than not, it just seems like a giant overreaction to an adult who has experience with futility, and who is able to problem solve.

But toddlers don’t have these skills yet! They need help to understand that it’s 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 to have these big feelings, but that sometimes, we need to get frustrated and then move forward. They also need adult guidance to understand how best to divert the exploding energy that sometimes comes along with big feelings. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Many of us were raised with the understanding that big feelings upset our parents, and we either had to make the feelings stop, or risk separation until we could control ourselves. Giving our children the space to express their emotion is not only critical in helping them to adapt to adversity, but it fosters a healthy relationship with emotions.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The next time your child has big feelings around something they cannot change, here are 4 steps to follow to support them:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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✨ Respond to the feelings, not to the behaviour⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ Empathize with the emotion⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ Support your child’s feelings and help them down regulate⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
✨ Once everyone is calm, address the behaviour and help find an alternate way of directing the erupting energy, if needed