“You need to let your baby learn to self soothe.”
“If your baby throws up, clean up the mess but don’t make eye contact.”
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“If you help your baby too much, she will never learn to be independent.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Cuddling your baby will create a crutch.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Now replace “your baby” with “your grandmother”, and we’ll see if the statements hold up.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“You need to let your grandmother learn to self soothe.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“If your grandmother throws up, clean up the mess but don’t make eye contact.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“If you help your grandmother too much, she will never learn to be independent.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Cuddling your grandmother will create a crutch.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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We would be 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝 – and rightly so – if we heard of elderly members of our family being treated this way. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And I’m going to be frank – letting a baby cry until they throw up, then not comforting them and allowing the crying to continue – is straight up neglectful. I don’t say this to shame any parents who were told that this is something they should do. We all want what is best for our children, and sometimes we follow advice without thinking hard enough about whether the advice feels right for us and our children. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I 𝐝𝐨 shame and I definitely 𝐝𝐨 blame sleep trainers who tell parents to do this kind of horrible behaviour modification to their children under the guise of “teaching” them some sort of ‘valuable’ lesson. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And, using “gentle” methods that still require separation – whether physical or perceived – are only gentler for parents. They still feel just as shitty to the babies enduring them. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You don’t have to use separation to get better sleep. You should 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 trust your gut. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you don’t know what to do next – that’s my job and I’m here to help.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
